4th After of Chemo

7/14/2010

7/12/10 – day 4 after 1st chemo treatment – I dragged myself out of bed to go to work. Once there, I did OK. Made it through the day and got my work done. I even watered my garden tonight, after the sun went down.

God has been speaking to me about forgiveness lately. My friend Lola sent me this poem about wash day that expresses my thoughts.
Monday – Wash Day Lord, help me wash away all my selfishness and Vanity, so I may serve you with perfect humility Through the week ahead.
Tuesday Ironing Day Dear Lord, help me iron out all the wrinkles Of prejudice I have collected through the years So that I may see the beauty in others. Wednesday Mending Day O God, help me mend my ways so I will not Set a bad example for others.Thursday Cleaning Day Lord Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults I have been hiding in the secret corners of my heart. Friday Shopping Day
O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase eternal happiness for myself and all others In need of love.
Saturday Cooking Day Help me, my Savior, to brew a big kettle of brotherly Love and serve it with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.
Sunday The Lord's Day O God, I have prepared my house for you. Please Come into my heart so I may spend the day and the Rest of my life in your presence.

I also read Healing Scriptures from a book my sister had given me, 365 Days of Healing by Mark Brazee. The scripture analyzed for July 10-13 was my favorite from Isaiah 53:5. “But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and with his stripes we are healed.” I realized I had been focusing on the last part only – by his stripes we are healed – the physical part of life – but I was neglecting my spirit and soul.

And so I pray, “Lord forgive me for being concerned only about my physical well being and not my spirit and soul.”

In the line about “He has taken the chastisement of our peace”, this is talking about our peace of mind, which I did not have about my situation until I was reminded about the armor of God, which keeps away doubt and fear.

“Lord forgive me for neglecting the scriptures until I am in a crisis state.”

The first part of the scripture deals with spirituality and sin (transgression and iniquities). How we relate to others in the world is important, for God said the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbor as our self.
“Lord forgive me for being preoccupied with myself only, and neglecting to pray for others, neglecting to think about the needs of others, for expecting others to put me first. As I wrote in a recent update, “Life goes on…” for others as well as for me. “

In church yesterday, we read the story of the Good Samaritan. The preacher asked what did each
of the people in the story see and what were they thinking. Why did 2 people not stop to help and the third one did? At home I asked myself, what would I have seen? What would I have done? Oh that’s easy, call 911, let them take him to hospital, and our tax payer dollars will pay for his care and food!! Have we allowed government to take over the second greatest commandment for us?

“Lord, forgive me for always using the excuse that someone else will do it so I don’t really have to.”

We planted a blue hydrangea in the backyard in honor of my mother-in-law, who had a whole row of them in her yard. She passed away from Lung cancer in 1985. Al said they were hardy and are still alive today where she planted them. Unfortunately, she planted them in a shady yard and our yard is too sunny for it. The poor little hydrangea promptly burned up and the beautiful big blue flowers shriveled up and died. Oh, No! I cried. This is for my mother in law, who is looking down at me from Heaven. I can’t let her flower die!!!!! So I slowly nursed it back to health. Al put a shade over it to shield it and the leaves stopped burning. Then I noticed that, despite the bruised, wounded leaves on the outside, God was growing new, tender green shoots from the crown of the plant. So I nursed them and today, my 4th day after chemo, the hydrangea is putting forth a bloom! It only has 3-4 flowerets and they are green, but it is a bloom, nonetheless. Now, my mother-in-law and I got off to a rocky start, and poor Al was caught in the middle. After 3 years I went to her to apologize for my behavior, she apologized for hers, we reconciled and she became my best friend. I remember that day clearly because a great burden was lifted from my shoulders. Now when I see this little hydrangea growing, I feel nothing but love from her and love for her, and gratitude for having been privileged to have known her.
“Lord, thank you for the cleansing act of forgiveness.”